Not a Typical Diary
by TearsofBlack101
Summary: This is Serena's not-diary. That story probably will only be told through references. This isn't really following the books or the show.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize (ex:characters, locations, brand names and occasional chocolate-eating fits of depression) belong to me.

**Chapter One**

To tell you the truth, graduation's always scared me. Let me rephrase that: The idea of another class of Seniors taking off for college and another posse of Freshmen swarming like moths for attention by the hypothetical 'light' of our society scares the living star-pound-dollar signs out of me.

This could be just another of those traits that my mother passed along to me that I pretend to be grateful for on Mother's Day. See, she's got a fear of being alone. Actually, that's lead to more than just a few failed marriages. Okay, I'm babbling. Nervous habit. Back to graduation.

The reason that I'm particularly nervous about this years class of seniors taking metaphorical flight is because I've known them the longest. See, I'm a Junior. And while it's true that graduation's always been incredibly intimidating, I guess the real reason I'm especially nervous about this year is because of my boyfriend; Dan. It just feels like...after we've fought through so much, we sort of deserve to be together forever and how is that supposed to happen with him leaving me alone this year so that he can go off and find some new hot college girl who probably has a GPA like Dan's, and a super huge list of extra-curricular's, none of which involve a past life of partying, and definitely no Blair-oh, I'm sort of babbling again. Okay, though? This ramble deserves a little explanation.

Blair Waldorph is one of the best evil-genius-in-person I've ever met. She's also my best friend. You can see how she didn't really get along with Dan at first, who is _so_ sweet (and a little naïve). But what you have to understand is that she's been my best friend for sooo long, and her opinion means sooo much to me. That's why I tried so hard for her to like, or at least accept Dan. Oh, damn. I got distracted. Blair's mother happens to be the very, _very _talented clothing designer, Elanor Waldorf of Waldorf Designs. Anyways-Blair's always had a lot going on in her life- -sometimes I think she likes it better that way- -and over time, she developed a little eating disorder. That wouldn't be so relevant if it weren't because of a fight involving somebody blaming that disorder on me that I'm writing all of my thoughts down now. That way I can decide if I really am even partially responsible.

Personally, I blame said disorder one her new boyfriend, Chuck. He's really great when you're having a really dramatic, traumatic scandal, but as a boyfriend? I don't really know...I think she deserves better. To be honest, I think she was better off with Nate...

God, Nate...

We don't even know where he is right now.

About a month ago, he took off on a boat and he hasn't been back since. Really, nobody would find that nearly as devastating if it hadn't happened right after Blair and he broke up. That's a pretty long story, too...One I'd prefer not to get into, actually. Don't worry about Nate's college options getting thrown off by his being out of school for a few weeks, though. He got accepted early-decision to the University of Colorado. I know. Nobody would have guessed that an Upper East Sider would end up in such a winter wonderland, but I suppose it's not _that _ridiculous...Nate's always been a little unhappy with his life here.

Since I can't get my mind off of Dan, I'm just going to throw my thoughts into him, which means that you get to hear all about him. Aren't you lucky? (Say yes, please)

Dan and I got together towards the beginning of this year. He's pretty much the polar opposite of anybody I've ever hung out with: The only thing he _ever _drinks is coffee (too much coffee), he's so, so, so smart- -he got accepted to Dartmouth without even bribing the admissions office! Actually, that may have been more about his monetary status than because of his genius. See, his family isn't exactly well-off. That's not even a bad thing, either. His younger sister, Jenny, is a _total_ sewing genius.

Jenny's become pretty popular over the year. She has breakfast on the steps of the Met with Blair and I every morning, and she gets invited to _all _the parties. Actually, she manages to get invites to the ones that ban Freshmen, too. I really don't know how she manages that. Well, I guess there was no reason for me to sneak into _anything_.

I'm not trying to be harsh; it's just that I'm a pretty popular chick. Too popular sometimes. Like when you're trying to spend a nice, quiet night studying with your boyfriend, and suddenly somebody just _needs _you at this party, and before you know it, you're making an excuse to book it, and you wake up the next morning with a _killer_ headache, and...But don't worry. That's never happened with Dan and I. Promise. That whole thing was before I left- -Actually, that's another story I don't think I need to get into right now.

Oh, hey! Blair just texted me- -she wants me to go to her mothers party tonight. Apparently, she's scored yet another _huge _business deal. I just hope she won't need any new models! I'll talk to you later, I should run and get ready.

XOXO,

Serena

A/N-So that's the first chapter! Tell me what you think; it's me first time with this genre. Thanks!

Dani


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize belongs to me.

**Chapter Two**

Hi! Okay...guess what? That party was everything I expected it to be. Whether or not it's a good thing that my life seems so predictable I just don't know. Fortunately, I don't really care. By 'everything I expected it to be', I mean that Blair found something to raise hell about. It went something like this:

I showed up to the party around eight-thirty, and as soon as I got up to her apartment, Elanor spotted me and absolutely 'zoomed' over to me.

She goes "Serena, Darling! It's wonderful to see you!" Then she got this look on her face like she was about to ask a favor that I wasn't allowed to say 'no' to. "Now, Darling, I seem to have run into a bit of a problem. You see, one of my models," She made this discreet gesture around the room, and sure enough, there were Waldorf Designs models walking breezily through the crowd, ignoring people. I could see where this was going, "didn't show up."

I shook my head super fast. The last time I filled in for one of Elanor's models, Blair _freaked_. "No, Elanor. I'm sorry, I can't. Not unless Blair can, too."

A very frightening glint appeared in Elanor's eye. "Well..._That_ could be arranged," Then she whisked away-presumably to find Blair.

"Wait!" I screamed after her, but it was sort of useless: The music was too loud, and the guests were too many.

A few minutes later, Blair comes up to me with this incredibly pissy look on her face.

"Why?"she snaps, which wasn't very nice of her (I think).

"Why what?" I asked, which was a very calm response in my opinion.

Blair gets a little scarier and goes: "Why do you _always _have to be the center of attention?"

"Woah," I say, but apparently that too angers little Miss Blair.

"Ugh!" she screams, and storms away in a huff.

"Great!" Elanor says cheerfully, "Because there really wasn't anything for her to wear...Nothing in her size, you know," she says that last part like it's some kind of secret, which made me feel like a terrible person, and an even worse friend.

"Could you excuse me?" I half-mumble, then I book it to Blair's room, upstairs.

As I could have guessed had I put more mental energy into guessing where Blair had gone after getting all angry: Her bathroom.

"It's me," I say unnecessarily through a very obviously closed door.

"Go away." Blair said ungratefully.

I sighed and leaned my head back against the wall. "You _know _I wouldn't come here for anything but you," But did she?

No answer. Then, slowly, the door opened, and there stood Blair.

I smiled a little, and she slid her arm through mine, leading me over to her bed. We sat down and she immediately apologized.

"I know it's not your fault." she said quickly, "I just hate how my _mother _makes me feel about my..." I looked at her with concern, but she cut me off just as I opened my mouth. "And no; I'm not going back to that...At least...not on purpose." I smiled. Good. "It's just that I was _trying _to flirt with this guy from Greece and she totally interrupted to tell me to put down the brownie or I wouldn't be able to fit into her clothes..."

I frowned. While Blair was prone to exaggeration, Elanor could be pretty frank.

"And I know she's just harsh sometimes, but..." Blair trailed off and I scooped her up in my arms. "Come on," she said quietly, then she led me out of her room, out of her apartment, and out of her hotel.

I let her lead me to our favorite bar, and even more? I let her lead me into drunkenness. It was stupid and it went against everything that I had made myself into, but she needed me. She needed my company. She needed a friend, and that was something that I tried so hard to always be for her. In part because she wanted one, and in part because she had nobody else.

I knew when I picked up that first martini that I was about to do something that I'd rather people not know about. But even worse was when Dan came into the bar with Vanessa in tow.

"Dan!" I whispered. Blair just glared at the couple.

"Serena?" Dan gasped, "What are you doing here?"

I frowned, "What are _you _doing here?" I really hoped he'd get the point that I was referring to both of them.

"That's sort of personal," he said shortly.

That was it. I hopped off my barstool and tugged Blair down as well. "Have a nice time." I snapped. Then I plopped a hundred dollar bill on the counter (just over our tab) and slipped my arm into Blair's. She hailed a taxi for us and we went back to her apartment.

When the elevator 'dinged' up to her apartment, my first though was that it was very dark and very empty. Dorota immediately swept over and helped up out of out coats.

"It was a bad night, Dorota." I whined, "We need ice cream." Blair tried to object, but I didn't let her. "Please, B? I need it." That was enough to keep her quiet while Dorota ushered us upstairs to Blair's room, and brought us a tub of Mint Chocolate Chip with two spoons. Blair just looked at it with disgust while I dug in.

Before too long, Dan called my cell. Blair grabbed it and flipped it open.

"I'm sorry," she said coldly, "Serena doesn't want to speak to you." Which wasn't entirely true, but I didn't object. After all, if Dan was interested in speaking to me, he shouldn't have been on a date with another girl. I couldn't hear what Dan was saying, but he sounded pretty upset. After a few muffled sentences, Blair said _"Fine." _Then she turned to me. "He says they weren't on a date. Vanessa's sister lost their apartment and she needed a drink."

I blinked slowly, then grabbed the phone. "Really?" I whispered.

"Serena," Dan said calmly, and I could tell he was smiling, "After all this time, you should know I'm in love with you, and only you."

I smiled sloppily, "I love you too," Blair rolled her eyes and took a bite of ice cream.

"But what were you doing there?" he asked suspiciously, "I thought you were done with all that."

"Elanor's being ridiculous. Blair needed a drinking buddy!" I exclaimed happily.

He sighed lightly, and I started feeling guilty. "Okay, but you're somewhere safe now, right?" he asked protectively, "I don't want you getting hurt."

I smiled bigger. He was so sweet! "Yes, we're at Blair's apartment."

"Okay. I'll call you later," then he hung up.

"Everything's right in your world?" Blair asked unnecessarily. I nodded enthusiastically, to which she replied, "Good. Because mine's still a mess."

There wasn't much I could do to make her feel better by myself, so I discreetly texted Chuck, and within half and hour, he showed up with a bottle of gin and a caring smile.

"Hey, Sweetie..." he said softly. You'd never guess it, but Chuck gets sort of instantly sentimental when Blair needs him. I guess it's because nobody else relies on him.

"Baby..." she muttered, then collapsed in his arms. "It was bad..."

He kissed the top of her head. "I know, Honey. Why don't you tell me about it?"

I took the ice cream into the room that connects to hers which at the time was being used as an overflow for her closet combined with a living room. I flicked on the TV and dug through her clothes, searching for future borrows while absently watching the news. Apparently, Nate's dad was in trouble again. Big surprise. He wasn't that great of a businessman. If it weren't for his wife, he'd probably be a hobo or something.

"Oo!" I gasped as I laid eyes on a gorgeous, soft, flowy dress. "Why, thank you, B!"

"Thank me for what?" Blair asked with confusion heavy in her voice.

"This!" I exclaimed with no embarrassment at digging through her clothes. It was something we'd been doing since we were little.

She giggled quietly. "Come on. It's late."

"But I'm not tired!" I whined.

This made her laugh harder. "Come on." she said again, then she noticed my discarded ice cream. "You're melting on my sofa!" she exclaimed, "How dare you?"

I laughed too. "I'm so, so sorry, mistress B!" I pretended to grovel, clutching the dress to my chin as I knelt to the ground.

"Well..." she said, 'thinking about my punishment', "I guess you'll just have to take a shot!"

My smile faded a little. "I thought we were going to sleep,"

"Fine." she said unhappily. "But I miss drinking with you."

"I know," I said softly, "I do too."

I really did miss that part of me. That part that just wanted to have fun all the time. The me that partied every night and didn't care if her boyfriend would get mad at her for it. But Dan was so caring. I didn't want to upset him by doing something I'd regret. And I would regret drinking with her, wouldn't I?

A/N-Sorry the second chapter took so long! I just wasn't in a very write-y mood. Thanks for reading!  
Dani


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